From The Atlanta Daily:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
Men are so easy….
From The Guardian Newspaper
Concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand:
‘Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner’s Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.’
British News From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:
‘Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church labelled ‘For The Sick’ , is for monetary donations only.’
From The Daily Telegraph
A piece headed ‘Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes’ :
‘ … the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes’ pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels.’
From The Derby Abbey Community News:
‘We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that ‘Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force’. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.’
From The Gloucester Citizen:
‘A caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialling an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled, ‘Hear Me Moan’, the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, ‘He got what he deserved.’
Norfolk Virginia
Police in Norfolk, Virginia, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message ‘ He’s lying’ was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the ‘ lie detector’ was working, the suspect confessed
Safety film – Report
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to the Health and Safety Council News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
Norway
Norwegian business consultant Hendrik Pedersen worked for 13 years on a book about Norwegian economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
Mexico
A man in Mexico City, shot his 49 year old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.
Devon, England
Hiding in the depths of Sunday’s Observer newspaper was this amusing snippet
Mr and Mrs K. Lyons have been renovating their old house in Exeter, Devon. Mr Lyons, an architect, and his wife Ginny found, to their amazement, a post card stuck in an old front door after taking it off its hinges. Nothing worth commenting on here until they viewed the date on the post card. It had been posted in 1896.
HL Mencken the journalist and ‘Sage of Baltimore’, said of newspapers:
All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else.
Advertisement from the Federation of Small Businesses
Wanted for a Regional Organiser – Leicestershire, Northamptonshire and Rutland a person with business acumen, self-motivation and management skills. ‘The ability to speak Welsh would be an advantage’.
Wokingham News, Berkshire, England.
An Army Officer assigned to the Military Academy in Sandhurst narrowly escaped serious injury recently when he attempted horseback riding with no prior experience. After mounting his horse unassisted, the horse immediately began moving. As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the officer, Lieutenant Tommy Thomas, began to slip sideways from the saddle.
Although attempting to grab for the horse’s mane Thomas could not get a firm grip. He then threw his arms around the horse’s neck but continued to slide down the side of the horse. The horse galloped along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing his grip, the Lieutenant attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. His foot, however, became entangled in the stirrup, leaving him at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as his head and upper body repeatedly struck the ground.
Moments away from unconsciousness, and probable death, to his great fortune Commodore Steve Cleary [RN Ret’d] shopping at Waitrose, saw him and quickly unplugged the horse.
Will and Guy are seeking to ascertain the veracity of this story.
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®
These where a few articles I found hillarious of coarse. I am always so bored.
anyways news for today
I started talkin to Tristan on the phone last night at like 10 and we didnt get off the phone until 3:30 this morning. It was great. We found out alot about each other. Im really happy.
Ok now there is one thing bothering me.
Age difference. I never really had a problem with age. Age doesnt mean anything to me really. The only reason its bothering me now is because I really want this relationship to work but my dad might have a problem with this. Im not sure what would happen because I have never broken the two year rule. This rule is basically saying to that I wont date anyone more than two years older than me. Tristan is 4 years older than me….Im not sure how this is going to go. I want to make it work like seriously. I just dont know what to do…..any advice?
i have been told to just tell my dad he is younger but I dont wantt o ask tristan to lie. I dont like lying about stuff. I just dont know what to do.
if you have any advice please let me know.
<3
