Something happend

The wierdest feeling in the world is feeling yourself seperate from everyone. Disconnect from a room full of peoople. its like an out of body experiience. Watching yourself from the ceiling and its like this clear but film like blanket seperates from you. like your no longer covered by the this connection blanket. your alone. its like you become your own species. no one is the same. you feel the edges of yourself rip apart and bend backwards away from everything else and you slip away from everything. you cant feel anything but yourself falling apart. That and the cold. its like being cold and hot at one time actually.your cold inside but on the outside the sudden seperation from everyone even though your surrounding you just makes your body tempature shoot up. The blood flow in you slows down and you feel like you have become a paper doll of sorts. no matter how many hugs and how many times you are greeted and have physical contact you cant get a connection. all you can do is know that it was right there and you still cant reach it. You open up too much and feel too comfortable and then you are violently and rapidly torn from everyone and everything around you and a sudden urge of new swallows you along with the panic it causes. You cant explain how you feel to anyone without you thinking you have went insane and when you try to explain anyway you stumble over your words. you cant tell how anyone around you really feels and you just cant define whats going on. Is this how it feels before you die? no. i dont think Im dying but it has crossed my mind that maybe its close. or maybe this is just a new script blooming from a worn out one. maybe this is were I start over. where I figure out what this new evelation thats happening to me is and i grow from it. or maybe I am crazy….I honestly cant tell. Am i crazy? am I dying?or am I growing. I dont understand anything around me anymore. I am so consumed by the thought that everyone around me is slowly distanting themselves that I cant face the facts that I am distant too. I cant show how I really feel and when I do i am just being too dramatic.Maybe I am…am I? Am I taking everything too sensativly? Am I losing my grip? I honestly think that no one can fix me. I cant even fix me. I have been taking a breather and honestly I just dont see the fucking point anymore. I feel like out of everyone that says they care only two or three actually mean it. Have I fucked up my life already without trying? or am I just paranoid? Is this a phase that everyone goes through or is there something wrong with me? so many unanswered questions. Too many. I need answers and I feel like there isnt one to any of them. and if there is. no one actually gives a fuck enough to inform me. Im sorry Im not ok. I am sorry that I amthe queen of DOOM AND FUCKING GLOOM as one person pointed out. I accept that I guess. I havent been happy lately. I just dont understand why. I dont get why everything feels like Im losing my balance on it. I feel like my world and my heart are collapsing at the same time. I fel like I have lost respect with some people because im sad. Im sorry if your sick of it. just let me know and ill avoid you. Thats probably everyone I know. I just dont fucking understand whats happening to my own body anymore.