Im sitting here, at Eliza’s house, thinking about the feelings I hgave and how I ucking hate them. I love a boy, who thinks I look at him as nothing but a friend now. Im loved by a girl, whose world means more to me than myy own. I hate that no matter how hard I try to get over the hurt that has been inflicted, injected, branded into my min, heart and soul, I can’t get what happened out of my head. I am giving up on love. I cant have who I want and I cant be with the ones that want me. I know that my love for this boy can never happen. He doesnt even see that my feelings are as strong as they are. Maybe that’s for the best. That way, no one gets hurt. I don’t handle rejection well lately. My heart is tied in knots over all this shit. It’s not my feelings I am worried about at this point. Me loving this person would hurt someone else I hold dearly to my hear. I just….ugh. I want what I can’t have and I have what I don’t truely want. Love just isn’tcut out for me I guess. Oh well, at this point, it is obviously for the best interest of us all. Im too destructive for anyone.
